”These guys really need a Photoshop”
Through this entire episode I was waiting for the hammer to fall. There was a fun silent comedy scene with the Small Council, peaceful moments in Riverrun, the plots went forward and then… these Dreadforters are messed up. Actually, they are so messed up that I chose a new king to pledge my sword to, just so I can hope for him to take over that castle.
Mance Rayder, the King Beyond the Wall and hopefully the King On This Side of the Wall As Well. After seeing what he’s trying to save his people from, after seeing what they are all running from, I want them to succeed. And he hasn’t yet shown any sadistic or villainous tendencies, which is a definite plus. And he rules because the people feel that he’s the proper ruler (without him there wouldn’t be a people to rule)
So there. Of all the candidates, this guy is the best. Vote for him or stay and get turned into a blue-eyed corpse. Your choice.
Now to the scheduled program. Finally Riverrun, I thought that it would be completely cut but apparently it still has a role in the larger war. There goes Lord Hoster Tully, one of the Old White Male Rulers (I started calling the leaders of Greyjoys, Tullys, Tyrells and Martells that once I realized in the beginning of the second season that that’s what they would all be. I wondered then if they could be designed so that they would be distinct from each other).
Two characters are introduced in this scene and in the next one: Edmure Tully, the new ruler of the Riverlands (or what’s left of it) and Brynden Tully, aka The Blackfish. Edmure is a young man who what I remember from the first two books is a little nerdy (in my mind I pictured him as Percy Weasley, no idea where he got the classes) but he’s good in battle tactics. That doesn’t help him when the boss comes to visit and tell him that the whole battle over the mill was a folly. They don’t have men enough to fight in open ground, they need to use pocket tactics.
The Small Council scene is pure joy. And PYCELLE IS BACK! It took my second watch to get that, because he’s so part of the furniture that I had forgotten that he was kicked out by Tyrion. But Tywin has taken him back. Why? When he sent Tyrion to King’s Landing he said to put the traitor’s head on spike. Apparently spying for Cersei isn’t being a traitor in Tywin’s eyes. After all, she’s just a stupid woman who can’t keep even her own son in order. And he’s all about the glory of the Lannisters and Pycelle has served them. A Lannister always pays his debts.
Seriously, a scene with Tywin, Baelish, Varys, Pycelle and Tyrion, featuring Cersei making faces, this is some Clash of Hams. I want more.
The merry men without banners leave the inn at the crossroads (same inn where the butcher’s boy didn’t run very fast, as Arya pointed out), but they leave one behind. Hot Pie stays to become the innkeeper’s assistant. Aww. The first person to get a happy ending (unless the war comes back here). Half the time I felt good, half the time I expected a grand piano to fall on him.
Peaceful moments in Riverrun, Catelyn and Blackfish give the most important details of the Tully subplot so we can continue. I actually like that they moved the Riverrun introduction here, there wasn’t really that much in the books about it and they had more stuff to introduce in season 2 anyway.
In the north Mance sends Jon with his right half-hand to climb the Wall. Yeah, Jon will end up killing him. Mormont and co arrive to Craster’s, who is once again the difference between life and death for the crows. He hints about his deal with the gods. How did he make that deal? Sam actually gets to meet Gilly again. Wow, that’s… good I guess, except that the hammer is now above him. And some baby makes his first role where he shows it all. (By the way: Called it being a boy but I think that so did all.)
Melisandre leaves the Dragonstone to get sacrifices. ”There are others with your blood”. Let’s see: Staffos didn’t have any brothers or sisters that I’m aware of, that means no cousins. Renly is dead and had no children, that means that she’s after… Robert’s bastards. Well good thing that Cersei made that job much harder. But Gendry can’t get any peace.
Daenerys haggles all the Unsullied for her in exchange of one dragon. Let me guess: ”Dragonfire and ruin. That’s what she’ll bring upon you” Ser Barristan has become a natural member of her team and Daenerys gets another sidekick from a translator slave.
And finally we get back to the throne standing up by I.O.U.-receipts. I thought they dropped that plotline when the war started and Tywin’s grandson sat on the throne. But apparently they also owe to the Iron Bank of Braavos tens of millions of dragons. That’s not good, because their largest export is assassins.
Tyrion pays his debt to Podrick, but for some reason the women won’t take the payment. Something’s up. Let the intrigue begin, Tyrion has been missing something like this for a while. At least I have. You can see the life in him when he has something to uncover (psst, the dagger).
A Mysterious Stranger saves Theon from the Dreadfort men twice. What did he do to deserve this? Oh yeah, he had a sister. She has a different name in the book than in the show (because Asha was too close to Osha). I have decided to treat the ”error” like she had two first names, Asha Yara Greyjoy. Anyway, good thing that she has loyal men, otherwise Theon would still be in the dungeons.
The final scene is between Brienne, Jaime and an unnamed Dreadfort man. My appreciation for Brienne grows (but it’s still more of what others do to her than what she does). Jaime as always steals the scene when he talks Brienne out of her bad situation. Then he finally gets the Dreadfort man to listen and is released. He is offered food, when suddenly somebody kicks him to the back of his leg and END OF RECORD
What? Are you kidding me? You stopped recording there, you silly machine? Good thing I recorded the whole marathon, I can just open the next file. Dumdummdumm… opening file… Wait a moment, are these guys actually supposed to be Vargo Hoat’s lot… CUT! Screaming and the black screen.
Wha… what? He cut off his… his swordhand… wow. That was unexcepted. And the way the credits music is a rock version of ”The Bear and the Maiden Fair”, that’s all sorts of right. Now this is what I’m talking about when I talk to others about this show. ”They just cut off one character’s hand and then look the audience to the eyes and ask ”Problem?” by using rock’n’roll.”
I think I laughed so hard it made me a bad person. More, please.